Wednesday, October 23, 2013

This Semester.

This semester.

I finished my comps, which was awesome, but now I have to do my prospectus, and it's really hard to get motivated to present my research in less than a month when I just spent a year doing inane work not on my research.

I'm busy in a lot of organizations.

Money is super tight.

I'm going to the gym every day and seeing almost no results, despite eating healthy and really pushing myself.

I seem to not be able to catch up with grading.

I love teaching, but my days are super long, and it's really wearing me down.

Yesterday I updated my ipad and a text conversation, and a number, that I never wanted to see again was recovered, forcing me to see some stuff from the past that I didn't want to see.

Men are driving me crazy.

Girls are driving me even crazier - ladies, can't we all just get along?


I realized this morning.

None of this is dire.

I'll finish my work. I always do. And that just means I have to work more at something I truly love, and complaining about that is dumb.

I'm always busy, I just have to scale back the things I'm willing to involve myself in.

I can make more money, or live on less. But worrying about it does neither.

Results take time.

Grading sucks, but I love teaching, even when I'm tired. When I'm tired it reenergizes me, and I should value that.

And seeing that conversation? Awful. But it motivated me to get up and rage clean, and really evaluate the way I let people treat me, which led to me standing up for myself with another person.

Men drive everyone crazy.

And I can't make the girls I know get along. But I can refuse to engage them. Which I've done twice this week with, so far, great success for me.

So even though this fall is strange, and disconcerting, and really different in a lot of ways, and a lot of things are on my mind, I'm taking a minute to be thankful for what I do have, mindful of what I can change, and willing to drop the things, and people, that don't add anything to my life.

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1 comment:

  1. I needed this today. You're so right. I've been letting inconsequential stuff weigh me down too. Money. Singleness. Missing people I shouldn't. Being irritated with people fr no good reason. I need to be more thankful. More aware of the good things. When Cloe yells and throws things because I gave her the wrong cup, or wouldn't let her watch Care Bares for the THIRD time in a ROW, I need to take a breath and be thankful for my beautiful, brilliant & healthy child. When I'm feeling lonely & down on myself I need to remember the spectacular people in my life, my family who does all they can for me, and the best best friend I have ever had. Screw waiting till Thanksgiving or even just November to talk about what I'm thankful for. It needs to be an everyday occurrence!