Monday, December 28, 2015

The 10 Commandments (Of Leggings)

Are leggings pants?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say one word.


Tights are not pants. Tights are tights.

Skirts are not pants. Skirts are skirts.

Blocks of cheese are not pants. Blocks of cheese are blocks of cheese.

But something that I put on both legs, that isn't see through, that covers my body from approximately my waist to my ankles, and that, again, isn't see through?

That's pants, y'all!

And if you can see through my pants? Well, those aren't pants!

They're probably tights.

Or maybe a swimsuit cover up.

But not leggings

Or jeggings.

Or any other clever name we come up with for stretchy, generally tight-fitting pants.

So - and I hear this question a lot - can you wear leggings to work?


I do, and I work in a pretty conservative industry at both my jobs.

If you can wear something to work, I think you can wear it anytime.

These are just some ground rules, as a follow-up to my previous opinions on leggings.

The Ten Commandments (Of Leggings)

1. Thou shalt wearing leggings. Not tights. Not hose. Not the aforementioned blocks of cheese.

Leggings are stretchy pants that generally have an elastic waist and are not see through, but conform to the curves of one's body in a flattering way.

If you're wearing something I can see a birthmark through, it's not leggings. It's tights. Or *shudder* hose.

2. Thou shalt wear leggings that fit.

If you're uncomfortable in leggings, they are either too big or too small. Get a size up and get over what the tag says, or get a size down and stop looking like you're wearing clothes that are too big.

3. Thou shalt recognize that black leggings are safest, although colors can work. If you're careful.

Black leggings hide a multitude of issues. I have funny shaped knees, for example, but black leggings just kind of smooth that out. Patterned leggings are a bit too close to tights for me to wear to work (and a little juvenile), but darker, more professional colors are fine if they follow Commandment 1. These maroon ones from Loft for example.

Addendum: White leggings are NEVER okay. EVER.

Ask me about my terrible experience seeing white leggings. You'll understand.

4. Thou shalt agree that longer shirts are better.

Do I think you need to cover your whole butt? NO.
Am I concerned with your butt at all? NO.
But I do concede that a really form fitting pant on the bottom needs a little bit looser and longer of a top. Balance, y'all.

For example:

(I was a little dusty from hooking up cables, but you get the idea!)

5. Thou shalt keep the rest of your outfit pretty conservative.

This is not saying you need to button your shirt to your neck or wear long sleeves or anything. And I love patterned tops! But if you're wearing leggings, cover up a little. It's both what people expect (and I like defying expectations but I also love having a job) AND more comfortable. Because offices are cold, and there's nothing more comforting than knowing that when you're crawling around trying to make the damn internet work, your boobs aren't falling out of your top.

6. Thou shalt not wear shiny leggings.

Because those are tights. Or leggings covered in sequins. Save them for a holiday that encourages sequins like New Years or The Tuesday You Finally Talk to the Hot Bartender.

7. Thou shalt wear appropriate undies.

I actually don't know that you *have* to wear undies under leggings, but if you do, wear ones that are black. And seamless.

Because if I can see Hello Kitty stamped on your ass, you're wearing leggings that are too tight and underwear that is for children. Creep.

8. Thou shalt wear shoes that are not found on Jersey Shore.

Flats only with leggings. Unless you want to look like Snooki or the lady from Married with Children.

(If you do want to look like this, and that's fine, pair leggings with a leopard top, big hair, red lips, and heels. See, instant transformation!)

9. Thou shalt have work leggings, and they shalt not be ripped or covered in cheese dip.

Look, my favorite lounging outfit is leggings and giant sweatshirt. But don't wear the leggings you ate cheese dip in and drank a beer in and snuggled with the dog in to work. Lint rollers can only do so much, and if you're going to work you should at least by kind of clean.

The ones for home? Cheese dip away. Hell, throw some salsa on too.

10. Thou shalt act like a goddamn professional, whatever thou wears.

You're at work to do a job. I feel better equipped to do my job when I'm not messing with my clothes and I know I look good. Leggings help me do that.

 Because ultimately, it's what's in my brain, not on my ass, that makes me good at my job.

And here's a handy-dandy list I made - feel free to share!

Ten Commandments of Leggings

No comments:

Post a Comment