Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Interesting article.

Today on Jezebel, there was an article by Katie Halper titled "Orgasm-Free Casual Sex." In this article, Halper discusses the likelihood of orgasm through "casual sex."

Casual sex =

"I don't mean sex with low emotional stakes with someone you know well. I'm not referring to sex with a "fuck buddy." I'm referring to sex with low or no (apparent) emotional stakes, like one night stands or a few repeat encounters with someone you don't feel you know that well. I'm referring to sex for sex's sake."

If women are more likely to orgasm with someone they know well and are comfortable giving directions too (and more comfortable being seen naked with, I would imagine), then why do we have casual sex? 

Halper comes up with several reasons, such as validation, the enjoyment of physical intimacy for its own sake, insanity, desire not to be celibate, etc. But what I really liked was her conclusion: 

"Believe me, I'm not judging anyone for having casual sex without an orgasm. I mean, people who occasionally live in non-orgasmic casual sex-based rentals should not be casting stones. And casual sex can be fun. But it can also be disappointing and ironically emotionally draining. And sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be better off having casual sex with a vibrator and getting a dog to cuddle with."

This brings up an interesting point. Casual sex, can, in fact, be disappointing, and draining, and often more trouble than it's really worth, if orgasm is the end goal. Or even if it isn't - even validation of attractiveness gets pretty tedious after awhile if all of the sexual experiences sought out for validation aren't stellar, or even good. So why do we do it?

I think (and this is based on the smallest sample size possible) that we do it because, for women of a certain age and generation, casual sex is the new "dating." Think about it - when a 28 year old woman goes to a bar, meets a guy of approximately the same age, he buys her a few drinks and they hit it off, is the desired outcome, or even the expected one, just a phone number exchange? Aren't one night stands (which sometimes develop into more, sometimes don't) the new norm? Sex on the first date isn't as taboo as it once was - in fact, it seems to be something that is expected now. And if you don't, well...you're considered a prude, or holding out for some romantic fairytale, or not worth the time. I don't subscribe to this necessarily, but it does seem to be a trend. 

So has the orgasm gone the way of hand-holding, at least when it comes to casual dating? Interesting stuff to think about at least (and some great writing, as usual, from Jezebel).

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